explanation for the prior post:

I am SICK. My head feels stuffed, I've got a sinus headache. so much pressure right behind my nose, ouch ouch ouch

My throat is sore and if I lay for too long it gets all mucus-y and boy do I sound weird.

My belly HURTS and oh boy it is not fun at all.

I cannot have a long distance relationship with a boy I am absolutely enamored, infatuated, smitten, taken with. Since it was ultimately his decision it is hard for me to remember that he is absolutely enamored, infatuated, smitten, and taken with me.

But he is! he is he is. I am pretty sure he is, at least.

It's a sort of background lethargic sadness I've got now. I can't treat it like a break-up, I can't get angry or depressed. The reasons are valid and reasonable.

I AM JUST SO DANG SCARED!

Does this mean I am not a goal anymore?
Does this mean that any little lady can come along and take him away?
Does this mean that it's possible he'll stop pining?
Does this mean that it's even less likely I'll get to see him?
Will he just forget?
Will I?

my skin rushed and pulled pulsing through my rivery veins that when pierced turned me pale
I wanted to sing, fall over sing breath songs that you could understand even though they never came from my mouth.

I mean, he prefaced all of this with how he hadn't experienced all these things like the comfort and the lust and et cetera at the level at which he was experiencing them with me. And I already went through a retarded point at which I was hearing what he was saying to me about me and how he felt and was still scared when I stupidly got paranoid that his absence was an attempt to move away.

Jesus, I'd even move to Austin, now.

I miss him something terrible.